Becoming a doctor was never easy. But I never thought that it was this scary.
As our ICC year (third year in Proper Medicine) approaches the end of the road, more ad more realizations and learning experiences build up to prepare us for the next years of training to come. Through those months of rotations, we e have experienced the transition from dealing with paper cases to real patients, from weekly exams on theoretics of pathology and pharmacology to their applications in real clinical settings. And From choosing which letter in the scantrons to shade, to choosing which diagnostic tests to order for our patients while (always and always) considering the financial limitations our patients in PGH have.
All these you have to decide for your patient and take responsibility as a future physician.
Say, if I have only one test that my patient can afford to order, which one should I choose? Which drug is cost-effective and will solve my patients’ complaints? And no we are no longer dealing with theoretical cases now wherein we can simply change our plans if we found out that we are wrong. These are real patients we are handling right now. Real lives. Real people.
And to carry that burden of responsibility for your patients is a gargantuan load so to speak: You decide the direction to which it is your patients who will primarily be affected. Not you. Their well-being, not yours. Their future, not yours. Their lives, not yours.
Does it not scare you? Do decide on things that will affect other people's lives? because really, it scares me to the bone! What if I chose the wrong decision and things may have taken the worst turn (God forbid). Now I will be greatly, immeasurably responsible for those decisions! Agh! Such pressure!
And so it is as much a requirement for us, medical students (and future physicians) to give the best we have for our patients. We have to read a lot for us to know the basics not just to pass the exams (pfft! those scores does matter anymore!) but NOT TO HARM (or kill) our patients. For so long as they are under your care, they are your responsibility. As their physician, you have to see to it that they receive the best health care they need, without them spending for unnecessary expenses for unnecessary diagnostics and medications and all, and that they achieve the best quality of life they can have until they get well, or until they meet that very last of their breath.
No, you are no longer that medical student who can still slack off a few hours sleeping instead of studying and say--I could just do well the next exam, I swear! Now it's totally different. Your patients are putting all their trusts and confidence in you; that somehow you could help them and do something to ease their pain, eradicate their ailment, give them light on what they are actually suffering from. And perhaps the best thing a physician can do then is to give justice to their patients and not put those trusts to waste. Be the best you can be. Go beyond just being a theoretical doctor who know nothing but what's in the books and medical journals.
And lastly, always put your trust to Allah. Tawakkul Ala Allah. Remember that midst all these illusionary "power" you have as a physician, you are still human. Born to err, prone to a lot of mistakes. Before making major decisions for your patients, always say a prayer and mention "Bismillah!" (In the name of Allah!). In sha Allah, everything will be well if it will be well according to His Majestic plans.
Yes, Medschool was never meant to be easy. And it is surely more scary as it sounds.
But it doesn't mean it is un-achievable, unconquerable. Remember that even a massive thing as a mountain, can still be moved starting with pebbles. You just have to keep on believing yourself and be consistent with your actions. ^_^
(I am really not sure if I am making any sense with that mountain-pebble thing haha LOL)
oh well, til our next talk,
Salam kasilasa!
-Ahmad (Anakiluh no more)
PS: Photo is mine, taken one afternoon in Philippine General Hospital. Can't place the caption as my template automatically changes the image format when I add captions. I want it to stay there on that side
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