“Good morning, Doc!” someone
greeted me with a flash of smile as I entered the Rural Health Unit. She was
one of the health workers assigned in the registration area and thus will
always be the first one to see, or greet anyone who comes in.
“Good morning da isab, maam,” I replied with an
equally warm smile that she gave me, “Misan
‘Sir’ na hadja ba maam, bukun pa isab aku duktur.” I explained
that she can just call me ‘sir’, I am not a doctor yet after all. And I am not
really used to being called a “Doc” (yet) by so many people, especially those
senior than me in the health service.
“Ayaw doc, di’ manjari! Mabiyaksa ra san kaw.” She remarked with a
simple yet decisive tone. And that’s how the discussion ended: “Nope. It just
can’t happen. You have to get used to it anyway.” And since then, almost
everyone in the health center would address me as “Doc”. The younger “Doc”.
Whenever I meet my patients, I
would always introduce myself as a medical student, a “not-yet Doctor”, to keep
us in the same level of understanding: That I may not be able to be someone what
they were looking for but I will do everything to the best of my knowledge and
skills to see what I can do for them. But I could already see in their eyes
that somebody already told them something else: “Look! We have a doctor on
duty! And yes, believe it or not, he’s that thin guy with a ‘goatee’ over
there!”
I know they intend nothing but
good by doing it—because there was simply no other person in the building to be
called “doc”. I know, I am supposed to
get used to it after almost four years in Med school, but every now and then,
whenever they address me as such, I would find myself responding with a pretty
awkward and troubled mind.
Why wouldn’t I? I myself know for
a fact that I really do not look like a doctor at first glance! Had a couple of
incidents where our patients—and even fellow health workers—mistook me as
another patient! Haha! (Mental note: I should ‘wear’ my stethoscope once and a
while). And it is a fact as well that there is still so many things that I know
so little about in the big, big world of Medicine! Yes, you got it right. I am
not that confident (yet) to call myself a real doctor! I feel that I still have
a lot of things to learn, a lot of pages to read and understand, a lot of
sleepless hours to spend before I could call myself a real “Doctor”. And I
know, I am still far from seeing that happen. And the weight of responsibility
of being called “Doc” is something I see as a gargantuan piece of duty that
must be carried with great preparation and compassion.
The responsibility of being
called a “Doctor” is really not a joke. After years in medschool, even during rounds
with our consultants or even in our own patient encounters, I have seen how
amazing and yet equally scary that responsibility is. People would believe what
you say more than they would believe themselves. They would put their trusts on
so many things to you. They share their deepest secrets to you. They would
allow you to know things they never even shared to their loved ones. They would
even put their lives in your hands, believing with all faith that you will be
able to help them somehow, save them from the agony and malady of their illnesses.
Scary indeed!
To me this is not something to really
brag about. Being called “Doc” does not always mean that that person is
recognizing your worth as someone smarter or better than him. Rather, it is
more of a reminder that you have the greater responsibility to know what your
patients do not. That’s why they come to you in the first place, to seek
“consult”. Thus, you have to study hard and learn a lot, so as not to fail
them. Being called “Doc” doesn’t mean you already have the right to treat other
people lightly, and see them as lowly. It is rather a reminder for you to
humble yourself that they are putting their trusts on you, that they are giving
you the chance to serve them.
Thus, you have to train harder
and be a better physician each day. Being called “Doc” does not mean everyone
is under your command and they should just follow all your orders and demands. It
is not that they—your patients, your nurses, your fellow health workers—are
nothing without you. Rather, it is a reminder for you that you are there not as
a dictator to dictate what you want them all to do. You are there as a leader,
a guide, a companion for them. That you will be nothing without them as well.
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I know I am still far from being qualified
to be called a real “doc” and I am still terrified by the weight of
responsibility it brings. I know I still have a long, long way to go before I
could confidently call myself a “Doc” one day without hesitations and get used
to it. But I am honestly hopeful for that day to come. I know it will come, in
God’s great plan, in sha Allah. But for now one thing is for sure… I must do
better than myself each day that pass by for me to be there. And that, I will
strive to do, in sha Allah!
Ah, there is this one exception
by the way. A single statement with the word “Doc” in it that instead of giving
me an uneasy feeling, it would radiate a warm, wonderful sensation whenever I
hear it from patients I meet. A feeling of happiness and fulfilment amid my
very pessimistic mind. A feeling of acceptance of my humble, imperfect services
to them. And that is:
“Magsukul tuud Doc!” Thank
you, doc!
I will be looking forward to
becoming that doctor that my patients really deserve.
Yes. I will do my better “best”.
For them. In sha Allah! (God willing)
Salam Kasilasa,
Ahmad ibn Hajiri
Ahmad is a proud Tausug coming
from Sulu. He is now a Clinical Clerk (4th year) in UP College of
Medicine. Every summer break, he would go back to his dear homeland and serve
in different health centers in Siasi, Pandami and Jolo, Sulu as part of his
commitment to serve back. He loves coffee. He blogs at
www.ahmadhajiri.blogspot.com
PS. This was supposed to be a
“less than 500 words” post, but I ended up making it 1000+ words again
*face-palm* I really need to cut my posts short! I don’t know, I just can’t
help myself. My fingers just keep on typing the words in my head. And I am too
lazy to edit and proof-read as well. Badumm tss! Let’s just leave it at that.
And oh! A wonderful EID MUBARAK
to all Muslim Families around the world! May Allah Accept all our efforts and
sacrifices this Ramadhan. And may He allow us to reach the next Ramadhan as
well, Ameen.
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