20 years without a father.




This is the Mus-haf (Qur'an) left by my father. I found this in our old house and brought it with me.
My mom told us that he would often read Surah Yaasin and Surah Al-Mulk as we, his children start to doze off and sleep. And this was his favorite (and perhaps the only one?) mus-haf.
I could no longer remember his voice. I could no longer remember his warm touch and embrace. I can only remember his face from that old black and white picture in our family album. I could only remember a few glimpse of those memories with him: carrying me on his shoulders as I try to touch the low ceiling of our house; Him tousling my hair as he go to work or the Masjid to pray. And the last conversation we had when he told me "Soon, son, you will enter school and learn a lot of new things."
20 years. 20 years since that fateful day, and yes, they all felt like a dream. Like it never happened at all. But then, reality would always bite and I would be brought back to those 20 years without him by my side. It was a painful ride, yes. But there are times that they just feel normal, like "Hey, it's not a big deal." Perhaps it is. Perhaps it was.
20 years. And now I am a grown man. He never saw us grew up. He never saw us graduate and come upstage to put our medals, and perhaps take a pose for keepsake. He never saw us live our dreams and become our own individuals. He never saw how we would look like now. I wonder if he will laugh at me that I have a longer beard than he had haha!
20 years. Who would have thought that those 5 little kids who woke up to the pain and reality of this life at such young ages, fatherless...would be here right now? Alhamdulillah (All praise is due to Allah) for He made this all happen.
Yes, we grew up without a father and still we are thankful to Allah. Alhamdulillah for He gave us more than what we asked for. He gave us, more than anything else, a wonderful gift that we could never, ever be able to repay: A wonderful, strong-willed mother who took care of us with great compassion and love, alone. She taught us how to be contented with what little thing we have. How to live each day with a purpose. How to surrender everything to Allah. To choose forgiveness over hatred and revenge. To be thankful for Allah always for everything is under His control. (I know I should really stop, I don't want her to be teary-eyed again kiki emoticon sorry Ina'! You have a really hard-headed son.)
He (Allah) gave us a wonderful family who never ceased to support us, even though we came from nothing. Know that we are thankful to everyone who helped us reach us this place, of who we are now and who we will be in the future in sha Allah.
"Fainna maal 'usriy yusraa" (Qur'an 94:6) Verily in every hardship comes ease, 
Allah told us in his Noble Qur'an. MashaAllah how true those words are.
We may not have grown up with a father.
But his examples, his dreams, his memories are things that we will live by in sha Allah. And perhaps when that time comes that we will meet him again (in Jannah in sha Allah), we can finally talk and share with him all these wonderful stories we had that he is now missing kiki emoticon
See you in Jannah Ama kiki emoticon
(Sorry for this very long and emotional post. Just can't help it. Whenever my birthday approaches, I just can't help but remember all those things.)

Comments

  1. Innalillahi wa innailaihi rajiun.
    Thank you for sharing this post. It's really important to be grateful for what we have and your post just made me appreciate my parents more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alhamdulillah for having wonderful parents that we have ^_^

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