Doc Ahmad Hajiri

*PF = Professional fee A patient's question that is hardest for me to answer is... "Magkano po, doc?" (How much will I pay, doc?) I remember back in PGH, whenever we tell them  "wala po. wala po kayong babayaran sa aming mga duktor." (Zero. You don't need to pay us anything at all). Their faces were  always left in awe and disbelief. Almost to say to us "weeeh? di ngaaa?" But now, I am in an uncomfortable seat and I have to helplessly smile and direct them towards the nurse who in turn will lead them to the cashier. Waiving a PF is always an honorable act that we doctors would want to do. Especially to those we know are indigent and could use those money for other things like their medicine, or transportation back home. How I wish I could waive each and every PF for my patients. But I just can't. Doing it would be tantamount to suicide. Especially to young doctors who are still struggling in this messy world he just stepped ...

Emergency Room Surgical Trauma Rotator It was just another regular evening on a 24-hour duty at the Emergency Department (ED or ER, for most of us). I was one of the only two Trauma Interns on duty and was just taking a break from charting a very long list of patients--ranging from those who fell from stairs to those intoxicated madmen stabbing each other to death! It's a rare occasion for Trauma ER to have no patients in 3 hours time so I grabbed that opportunity to go out and buy a cold drink at the ER kiosk (it was already around 1:00 AM by the way).  On my way back to our station in the Acute Care Unit (ACU), I could see the triage area was already in a mess. ("Triage" by the way is the place where patients would go first before they are assigned with to different departments). There were piles of stretcher-beds (with patients on them, of course!) and hordes of their watchers waiting to be seen by our Triage officer (TO). Where was the TO, you asked? I wo...

March 13, 2017 Internal Medicine Rotator I was outside the hemodialysis (HD) room, watching some videos on Youtube while waiting for my patient’s HD to start. A few minutes after I seated myself on a vacant seat outside, a woman came near me. I recognized her the moment she approached, she’s my patient’s mother. I could see her eyes weary, tired and full of questions. It takes only a few seconds to recognize a soul in search of answers to her endless questions. And this one is a definite example. “Doc,” she started meekly, “Doc, tapatin niyo po ako.”(Doc please tell me) “Po? Ano po yun, maam?” I asked, my earphones already removed for me to focus on her every word. “Doc, ano na po ba talaga ang kalagayan ng anak ko? Di na po ba siya gagaling? Mamamatay na po ba siya?” (Doc, what is the real condition of my child? Will he still get well? Will he die?) her voice shaking with fear, full of anxiety over what she might find out. I asked her to ...

“Good morning, Doc!” someone greeted me with a flash of smile as I entered the Rural Health Unit. She was one of the health workers assigned in the registration area and thus will always be the first one to see, or greet anyone who comes in. “Good morning da isab, maam,” I replied with an equally warm smile that she gave me, “ Misan ‘ Sir’ na hadja ba maam , bukun pa isab aku duktur.” I explained that she can just call me ‘sir’, I am not a doctor yet after all. And I am not really used to being called a “Doc” (yet) by so many people, especially those senior than me in the health service. “ Ayaw doc, di’ manjari! Mabiyaksa ra san kaw.” She remarked with a simple yet decisive tone. And that’s how the discussion ended: “Nope. It just can’t happen. You have to get used to it anyway.” And since then, almost everyone in the health center would address me as “Doc”. The younger “Doc”. Whenever I meet my patients, I would always introduce myself as a medical student, a “not-y...

Assalamu Alaykum (Peace be upon you all) Last week was, if I could literally translate it, was indeed a "hell week" for us ICCs. We had our final exams on Pharmacology, Otorhinolaryngology (ORL), Ophthalmology, Pediatrics and NeuroPsychology, had our Annual Comprehensive exam (200 items presented in a time-allotted powerpoint slide) and our ever-dreaded Grand OSCE (stands for "Objective Structured Clinical Examination, something like a practical exams with different stations). After the last exam in Friday of that week, we were already in a "finally-its-over" mode until the results of the exams came in. Some of the students did not make it to the passing rate of some station sin the OSCE and so they have make up for their grades. I failed in two of the stations (Psychology and Pedia: Vaccinations station). That afternoon we finished the "repeat exam" for the Psychology station, Alhamdulillah we all passed. The repeat rotation for pediatrics was s...

As everyone hurriedly took their orders and grab their lunches in that famous fast-food restaurant with an over-sized smiling honeybee as their logo, one man was oblivious and unnoticeable of them all. He sat there in a corner, singled-out from the rest of the dining tables, carrying the most precious things he had left: his fragile, ailing daughter wrapped in his caring arms and a bag that contained everything her daughter needed (or what he can afford of at least) for her first consultation in Philippine General Hospital. His daughter has been suffering from a rare disease he could not even pronounce. She was a lovely angel since she was born, bringing light to their otherwise gloomy life in the farmlands. She was their sunshine, their love, their princess. Until that fateful day when her symptoms started to appear. It started with a high fever, then she stopped eating and she became more and more weak each passing day. On her second year of life she was already bed-ri...

Assalamu Alaykum! (Peace be upon you all!) It's already the end of March. And I almost forgot that this month is among the most anticipated months in every year that comes: The month were we see hopeful faces go "marching" during graduations as they celebrate the end of their journey in that particular part of their lives. (I wonder if "March" got its name from that, and if it is, wonder how this particular month was called before that? haha). I was reminded by these thoughts when I went to attend a High school graduation in North Fairview. It was an unplanned activity, yet it was something worth reflecting about as it made  me remember things as well. Looking at the young hopeful graduates that day, it reminded me of myself and my fellow graduates years and years back. I could feel their excitement, hear their loud cheers, see that hopeful gaze upon the future, looking forward to a new chapter in their life that will unfold. An end, and a new beginning...

Sunday. Sunny with some streaks of clouds up high. I was on my way to attend a meeting. And I have with me the usual things I bring: my ever-so-compact backpack containing all my notebooks, books and my camera as well, my laptop on the other bag, and two big plastics of grilled chicken and chicken siopao which my colleagues asked me to buy. I was lucky enough to get the last seat on a public utility van then. And as I try to fit in all my stuffs in that small remaining space, while saying my apologies to the other commuters inside, I imagined how my image of being so untidy and unorganized came out into the open once again. Oh well, this is me and I am pretty good with it. ^_^ As the vehicle starting working its way to the next city where our meeting will be held, I looked out the window and--well, what else am I supposed to do but look out and observe everything that is to see until they disappear into thin dots of nothingness? Upon reaching the "Quezon City Welcome Rotund...

You walked in the busy streets of Manila and you saw a young child lying asleep on a dirty alley by the side of the road, with an empty plastic cup on his one hand and the other, empty-handed (dirty, rugged) begging for at least a coin from your purse. You never heard him ask for money, you did not have to look at his sleeping eyes, for at first glance you felt some pity on him. You stopped and checked your pocket or your purse full of extra coins. Maybe you can spare some money for him, so that he can buy some bread to get by. Maybe will give more than you thought you can. After all, you can easily find money from your salaries, or your personal businesses, or your monthly stipends. The next day on that same road, you saw him again, on that same location, wearing the same ragged, unkempt shirt. This time he had with him a younger child with him, crying. This time your heart was crushed two-fold. How could this happen? How could their parents leave them here? You cannot fathom...

It was already late in the evening when me and my friends went out of the restaurant after a long dinner and discussions inside. The rain just stopped, and my watch said it's already 5 minutes past 10 in the evening. I was still carrying the box of donuts with me, there were still 2 pieces of donuts left and they all decided that it would go the to student in the group (which unfortunately is me). I have no plan of bringing it home and so I decided to give it to the first street children we might meet outside. As if right on cue, I immediately saw a trio of street children huddled in a corner outside this condominium for the elites, as if waiting for someone to come out from that building. I thought they were just waiting for some foreigners to pass by that they may ask for some coins. But they were not moving anywhere, they were just sitting there, and as I approached them, it was then that I saw, one of the kids about the age of 5 was crying. The two elder boys who saw me comin...

Bismillah Nagbaha' ha Taft Iyabutan na isab kami sin ulan matigda’ diy ha hula’ Manila. Ulan matigda’ agaran sin hangin makusug. Di’ isab mabilang unus in kaybanan, sa sibu’ da in guwa’ niya: Maglakab-baha’ na isab ha kaybanan lugal; masuspend na isab in klas sin kaiskul-iskulan (magkalapay ra sambil kami ha medschool; ampa bukun langug bang masuspend in class pasal kami bata; iskul da in magmula). Di’ magkaubus in hangaka tahun sin wayruun lumabay ulan dakula’ pa hula’ ini. Gaid sin bunnal in bayta’ sin kamáasan sin awn tuud mulka’ ha hula’ ini. Di’ kapaglangugan in hula’ ini bang dumatung in bagyu agaran pa ulan matigda’ iban paglakab-baha’ ha karán-dánan. Magtrapik na isab. In manga tau sa da lumubung pa baha’ yaun nag-aanud ha supaya maka-untas hadja sin dán. Di’ ra maunu bang malanu’ in tubig yaun nag-aanud, sa’ ná kayngatan tan a, yaun na katan in kalummi’-lummian naglamud-lamud. Sa’ unu isab in mahinang ta? Duwal bang kaw mabaya’ matuwg ha sawm sisilung...

Bismillah. There are so many things I wanted to write about in the weeks that passed. But thanks to my class schedules and the after-class-schedules, I wasn’t able to find even a short time to do so. Even my daily journal notebook is already filled with blank pages. There are just so many things that need to be done, and so little free time in my hand. Or there maybe some free times, but I’m just too focused on something else (like taking some sleep that I have been deprived of for weeks now). But then, there are things that I cannot hold on and keep in my mind. There are times that I have to write them down no matter what, lest I forget them, lest I would never be able to express what I really feel right at the moment I had that idea or feeling; lest I would regret not doing anything at all and let those things become remnants of the past. It is already the end of Ramadhan. Indeed that is actually a sad thing to Muslims, we are not actually happy that the month of fasting is...

Bismillah In tiyap-tiyap panagnaan subay tuud pagsaddiyahan. Mataud jumatu amun dih ta kaingatan, bang kita wayruun nakasaddiya asal. Ha wala’ pa dimatung in kunsum, subay ha biháun pa kaingatan mu na bang unu in tudjuhun mu. Ha supaya bang dumatung na in adlaw yadtu, di’ nakaw maglawag pa sin dán, bang harap kaw pakain. Subay ra isab pagsaddiyahan in kaibanan manga prublima manjari jumatu ha susungun, ha supaya makasaddiya da isab kaw.  Biya’ da isab sin kabuhi’ iban kamatay. Ha wala’ pa dimatung in kamatay subay saddiya na kita bang unu in hinangun bang in waktu yadtu dumatung na. Tumtumun ta sin in kita ini dih da laung maglugay diy ha dunya ini. Misan pa ayn biya’diin in daya mu, in taud sin sinapang mu, in taud sin lahasiya’ mu, in kusug sin kawasa mu, tantu in katan yan ha panagnaan sadja. Di’ da lumugay, dumatung da isab in hinapusan niya. Malawa’ da sila katan. Biya’ sin dunya ini, biya’ da sin kabuhi’ mu, tantu awn hinapusan niya. Asal in tiyap-tiyap panagnaa...

Bismillah. “Ahmad! What were you thinking! Why did you decide to make your first 3 weeks in LU-4 in utter toxicity?!” Well, that was what I thought before the first day of my second year in Medicine started when I accepted the offer of becoming a Liaison Officer (LO) of our first subject/course for this year: HS202 Biopsychosocial Dimensions of Illness or BDI... They call this level as “HELL-U 4” because of the hellish experiences you students will experience compared to LU3 (freshmen year), and I already made my first week hellish than the rest of the class by being an LO. But as that first day as an LO came to an end, I finally realized why I accepted that challenge… I wanted to try it. I know being an LO is not a good joke. You have to coordinate with the professors from different departments for their class schedules, announcements and exams. This first module will be composed of 5 different departments namely: Departments of Pathology, Parasitology, Microbiology, Psychia...

Bismillah. Ha lawm lima minit sumulat aku, In shaa Allah… sin unu-unu na in sumuwd pa lawm utuk ku, hisulat, hitayp mari… sari na madtu magkulang-maglabi. Biháun “kahawa” in mabaya’ ku pagbissarahan. Unu baha’ in awn ha kahawa mayta matagi in manga Bangsa Sug kaniya ini. Bang kaw madtu pa tiyanggi nalibut kaw sin kahawahan. Luba na bang kaw madtu pa kagimbahan, misan wayruun tinda magdaragang dih da malawa’ in kahawa ha kakusinahan sin mga tau. Basta laung niya awn da Tausug duun, awn na hadja Kahawa Sug (Native coffee).  Mapasu’-pasu’ pa… nag-aasu… huyup-huyupun ampa higupun madtu… aruuu rayang, way na mabisa dayng hadtu… Depende na kaymu bang kaw mabaya’ mapait-pait, atawa maimu’-imu’… atawa kan tublak-tublakan mu pa sin tinapay,.. na! Masarap sayan magkahawa bang mahaba’ in pag-isturihan niyu, sibu’ da kan tau maas atawa manga tambay ha higad dan… basta awn kahawa iban bang-bang sug atawa juwalan, OKs na, wayna paglawag dugaing ha butangan. Misan bihayni in i...

Bismillah. Alhamdulillah, another year in Medschool had just started. It’s June already and I still can’t believe that I am already done with my first year, and I am now starting my second year here in UP College of Medicine. Really, I am still grasping the truth that those were not dreams at all! Am I still dreaming? The letter I received carrying the Good news Alhamdulillah. I can still remember last year, some days before the results of the official List of students accepted to the UPCM will be released (these 160 guys and gals will later be known as the UPCM Class 2017). I was getting anxious and hopeless then, as days go by and I still haven’t received any confirmations from them. UPCM was the only Med-school I applied for (because I am so lazy working on another application papers) and most of the students who applied are all exceptional (and except for me). And due to the impending desperation then, I already started filling-up another application form from another...

(kiyasulat sin pila bulan na in limabay yaun...) Bismillah. Sin pila bulan na in limabay yaun (agun hangka tahun na maray’) ha wala’ pa aku timagna’ nag-iskul ha UP Med, awn jimatu hambuuk parakála mabilang ku hambuuk pangadjian káku’ ha hál sin halga’ sin kabuhi’ iban sin kamatay. Ini in suysuy hayadtu: “Hambuuk adlaw landu’ mapasu’ in suga diy ha tiyanggi sin sambuwangan (Zamboanga) .  Awn piyakawa’ káku’ sin nakura’ namu’ ha upis (office) sin mataas-suga yadtu hangkan didtu na aku ha tiyanggi sambilk imaun iban nag-Zuhur.  Amun sung na aku magbalik, harap na aku pa parádahan jiyp awn larak-larak sasakatan (biya’ Van sadtu, sa’ wayruun na silikan. Halu’ na ba bang iyanun). Bukun malayu’ ha sasakatan larak yadtu ha higad dán, awn isab kiyta’ ku manga tau nagpupuwn-puwn bihán (maray’ manga magdaragang yadtu katan). Biya’ awn naghilu-hala’ ridtu; awn kunu’ piyunung lawng sin magdaragang siga namumuwkut ha higad dán iban dagangan niya. Sa’ wayruun na aku na...