Doc Ahmad Hajiri

*PF = Professional fee A patient's question that is hardest for me to answer is... "Magkano po, doc?" (How much will I pay, doc?) I remember back in PGH, whenever we tell them  "wala po. wala po kayong babayaran sa aming mga duktor." (Zero. You don't need to pay us anything at all). Their faces were  always left in awe and disbelief. Almost to say to us "weeeh? di ngaaa?" But now, I am in an uncomfortable seat and I have to helplessly smile and direct them towards the nurse who in turn will lead them to the cashier. Waiving a PF is always an honorable act that we doctors would want to do. Especially to those we know are indigent and could use those money for other things like their medicine, or transportation back home. How I wish I could waive each and every PF for my patients. But I just can't. Doing it would be tantamount to suicide. Especially to young doctors who are still struggling in this messy world he just stepped ...

  Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! All praise is indeed to Allah alone! I still can't believe that I am now a LICENSED DOCTOR! Seriously, to say that I am still in cloud nine, is an understatement!   As one mentor once told me: "You will be floating there for a year, at least!" And he was right! Alhamdulillah, last September 22, 2017 the results of this year's Physician Licensure Exam was released and it was indeed one of the best news in my life I could ever ask for. I am now a duly licensed physician in this country. I now have the license to heal, to cure, to do surgery and to prescribe medicine. And with it comes the big responsibility of not harming my patients as well. I never felt how heavy this responsibility before until now. Ma shaa Allah. This was a dream that I never once thought of having nor achieving when I was a child. (You see, I really wanted to become a Civil Engineer like my late father). Still, Alhamdulillah God gave m...

Clerkship Day 253/253 Today is the last day of Clerkship (known to UPCM as Learning Unit 6 or LU6), my fourth year as a Medical students. No, maybe it is not yet the official end of the Academic year as we still have our 5 Final examinations and 2 Comprehensive exams next week... But yes, this is the end of our final rotations in the different departments in UP-PGH. I can't even believe I am all done with all of them! We started with Pediatrics, then Family and Community Medicine, then Obstetrics and Gynecology then we had a one-month elective, then we went on to Surgery then Emergency Medicine and Anesthesiology, then the dreaded Neurosciences, then longest rotation which is Internal Medicine and last came the not-so-fun-anymore "fun four": Rehab Med, Orthopedics, Otorhinolayngology (ORL/ENT) and Ophthalmology. Wow! It felt like it started years ago! But it still feels like it just happened yesterday! Maa sha Allah! And as I struggled to "relearn" the ...

Nagbustak na isab sin dum limabay yaun.  Makusug in bustak bat najugjug in bay namu' kailu. Laung sin kaybanan ha gimba, laung sin kaybanan ha Brigade sin Marines.  Way pa agun miyabut hangka-adlaw in haylaya puasa, awn na magtuy nagbustak. Mayta na baha' in hula' ini? b Misan bulan puasa wayruun nila ra liyappas, masi-masi ra in paghilu-hala' nila. Hambuuk adlaw awn nagbustak didtu ha tungud public hospital, ha waiting shed, ha guwa’. Maynaat pa kunu’ yadtu sung na pagsusuwd sin kabataan pa iskul. Awn nahalul duwa atawa tuw. Awn pa agi bata’-bata’ kunu’ sung paiskul in hambuuk nalapay. Agi isab sin kaibanan, nawafat da kunu’ kailu in hambuuk, amun timitindug-tindug ha lugal-lugal yadtu. In kainu-inuhan isab sin mga tau, angay-angay isab in lugal yaun kiyalawaan pulis-sundalu ha adlaw yadtu. Laung ha gimuwa’ news ha National TV in target kunu’ pabustakan in mga marines sundalu pasal masuuk man yaun ha campo nila. In nagpabustak kunu “Abus” na isab. In tau ra...

“Good morning, Doc!” someone greeted me with a flash of smile as I entered the Rural Health Unit. She was one of the health workers assigned in the registration area and thus will always be the first one to see, or greet anyone who comes in. “Good morning da isab, maam,” I replied with an equally warm smile that she gave me, “ Misan ‘ Sir’ na hadja ba maam , bukun pa isab aku duktur.” I explained that she can just call me ‘sir’, I am not a doctor yet after all. And I am not really used to being called a “Doc” (yet) by so many people, especially those senior than me in the health service. “ Ayaw doc, di’ manjari! Mabiyaksa ra san kaw.” She remarked with a simple yet decisive tone. And that’s how the discussion ended: “Nope. It just can’t happen. You have to get used to it anyway.” And since then, almost everyone in the health center would address me as “Doc”. The younger “Doc”. Whenever I meet my patients, I would always introduce myself as a medical student, a “not-y...

Assalamu Alaykum (Peace be upon you all) Last week was, if I could literally translate it, was indeed a "hell week" for us ICCs. We had our final exams on Pharmacology, Otorhinolaryngology (ORL), Ophthalmology, Pediatrics and NeuroPsychology, had our Annual Comprehensive exam (200 items presented in a time-allotted powerpoint slide) and our ever-dreaded Grand OSCE (stands for "Objective Structured Clinical Examination, something like a practical exams with different stations). After the last exam in Friday of that week, we were already in a "finally-its-over" mode until the results of the exams came in. Some of the students did not make it to the passing rate of some station sin the OSCE and so they have make up for their grades. I failed in two of the stations (Psychology and Pedia: Vaccinations station). That afternoon we finished the "repeat exam" for the Psychology station, Alhamdulillah we all passed. The repeat rotation for pediatrics was s...

As everyone hurriedly took their orders and grab their lunches in that famous fast-food restaurant with an over-sized smiling honeybee as their logo, one man was oblivious and unnoticeable of them all. He sat there in a corner, singled-out from the rest of the dining tables, carrying the most precious things he had left: his fragile, ailing daughter wrapped in his caring arms and a bag that contained everything her daughter needed (or what he can afford of at least) for her first consultation in Philippine General Hospital. His daughter has been suffering from a rare disease he could not even pronounce. She was a lovely angel since she was born, bringing light to their otherwise gloomy life in the farmlands. She was their sunshine, their love, their princess. Until that fateful day when her symptoms started to appear. It started with a high fever, then she stopped eating and she became more and more weak each passing day. On her second year of life she was already bed-ri...

Becoming a doctor was never easy. But I never thought that it was this scary. As our  ICC year (third year in Proper Medicine) approaches the end of the road, more ad more realizations and learning experiences build up to prepare us for the next years of training to come. Through those months of rotations, we e have experienced the transition from dealing with paper cases to real patients, from weekly exams on theoretics of pathology and pharmacology to their applications in real clinical settings. And From choosing which letter in the scantrons to shade, to choosing which diagnostic tests to order for our patients while (always and always) considering the financial limitations our patients in PGH have.  All these you have to decide for your patient and take responsibility as a future physician. Say, if I have only one test that my patient can afford to order, which one should I choose? Which drug is cost-effective and will solve my patients’ complaints? And no ...

Assalamu Alaykum (Peace be upon you all) I was still conducting my history taking with a patient in the out-patient department under TCVS (Thoracic and Cardiovascular Surgery) when I received a sad news. A good friend of mine died just the morning of that day in the hospital. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raajiun. (Indeed we are from Allah and to Him we shall all return) He was still young, around his 20s. He was a cheerful classmate, a very good-natured guy. And above all else he was a humble, righteous and sincere Muslim brother. He died on a blessed Friday which is a wonderful sign. He lived a short yet satisfied life. May Allah be pleased with him and his deeds and accept him with His boundless mercy. May Allah lighten his grave and make things easy for him to enter Jannah in sha Allah. Allahumma ameen. And May Allah make our deaths as peaceful and as blessed as that wonderful brother had. Indeed life is nothing but a fleeting hour-glass just waiting for that last ...

It was a cold night after my sister's wedding in Sulu. I have to catch the last trip to Zamboanga even though I failed to buy my own ticket (the vessel was already fully booked the day before!) This was not new to me, racing with time, catching trips, no tickets. I am well aware and familiar on what to do: Find a vacant bed and wait till the ship departs. If it's still vacant by that time, then good for you. But if not, then repeat until you exhaust all measures where you end up with the last plan: the rooftop.  Honestly I have done it a couple of times. Alone. But this time it's something really different. I was not alone. I have 11 other passengers with me. ELEVEN NO-TICKET PASSENGERS! Half of them were students like me, mostly cousins who have exams the next day. While the other half (5 of them) were professional photographers my sister hired for her wedding. They, too have to join in with the unexpected adventure.  We have no choice. It was the last trip to Z...

Assalamu Alaykum! (Peace be upon you all!) It's already the end of March. And I almost forgot that this month is among the most anticipated months in every year that comes: The month were we see hopeful faces go "marching" during graduations as they celebrate the end of their journey in that particular part of their lives. (I wonder if "March" got its name from that, and if it is, wonder how this particular month was called before that? haha). I was reminded by these thoughts when I went to attend a High school graduation in North Fairview. It was an unplanned activity, yet it was something worth reflecting about as it made  me remember things as well. Looking at the young hopeful graduates that day, it reminded me of myself and my fellow graduates years and years back. I could feel their excitement, hear their loud cheers, see that hopeful gaze upon the future, looking forward to a new chapter in their life that will unfold. An end, and a new beginning...

Sunday. Sunny with some streaks of clouds up high. I was on my way to attend a meeting. And I have with me the usual things I bring: my ever-so-compact backpack containing all my notebooks, books and my camera as well, my laptop on the other bag, and two big plastics of grilled chicken and chicken siopao which my colleagues asked me to buy. I was lucky enough to get the last seat on a public utility van then. And as I try to fit in all my stuffs in that small remaining space, while saying my apologies to the other commuters inside, I imagined how my image of being so untidy and unorganized came out into the open once again. Oh well, this is me and I am pretty good with it. ^_^ As the vehicle starting working its way to the next city where our meeting will be held, I looked out the window and--well, what else am I supposed to do but look out and observe everything that is to see until they disappear into thin dots of nothingness? Upon reaching the "Quezon City Welcome Rotund...

This is the Mus-haf (Qur'an) left by my father. I found this in our old house and brought it with me. My mom told us that he would often read Surah Yaasin and Surah Al-Mulk as we, his children start to doze off and sleep. And this was his favorite (and perhaps the only one?) mus-haf. I could no longer remember his voice. I could no longer remember his warm touch and embrace. I can only remember his face from that old faded picture in our family album. I could only remember a few glimpse of those memories with him: carrying me on his shoulders as I try to touch the low ceiling of our house; him tousling my hair as he go to work or the Masjid to pray. Of him coming home with a half-gallon of ube-flavored ice cream--our favorite! And that one last conversation I had with him when he told me "Soon, son, you will enter school and learn a lot of new things." I was 4 back then, giddy and excited to enrol in kindergarten. Twenty ye ars. 20 long years since that fat...

It was already late in the evening when me and my friends went out of the restaurant after a long dinner and discussions inside. The rain just stopped, and my watch said it's already 5 minutes past 10 in the evening. I was still carrying the box of donuts with me, there were still 2 pieces of donuts left and they all decided that it would go the to student in the group (which unfortunately is me). I have no plan of bringing it home and so I decided to give it to the first street children we might meet outside. As if right on cue, I immediately saw a trio of street children huddled in a corner outside this condominium for the elites, as if waiting for someone to come out from that building. I thought they were just waiting for some foreigners to pass by that they may ask for some coins. But they were not moving anywhere, they were just sitting there, and as I approached them, it was then that I saw, one of the kids about the age of 5 was crying. The two elder boys who saw me comin...

Bismillah Medschool had taught me a lot of things in life. Maybe some I learned listening to hours of lectures and Clinico-Pathologic Case presentations; some I gnawed through sleepless nights from pages of books and transcriptions reading, trying as much to remember as much as my short memory-lane can handle; some I learned repeating what our preceptors would tell us to do (do this, do that, touch this, put your finger here, listen to this sound, observe the color of his eyes); and some from hours of standing asking our patients from what they had in yesterday's breakfast up to the color and characteristics of their stools (yes we do that often). All these exciting discoveries I enjoyed somehow, one way or the other. But what strike me most of the times are those that I have to learn painfully: through constant failures and disappointments... to some point that I have utterly lost my way on what you call 'self esteem'. The last part, I don't think I am enjoying th...

(Translated from the original piece written in Bahasa Sug: Hinapusan hagas , published Sept. 8, 2013) Bismillah. It was one of those days as an LU4 student when we had our bedside preceptorials in Philippine General Hospital (PGH) as part of our class activity when this happened. My group was assigned in the Pedia wards and was assigned to a patient with a lung disease to check and try to learn how to properly identify and diagnose a probable disease. We also had a preceptor, a Pediatrician who will guide us along the course of the preceptorials. Upon entering the wards, one simlpy cannot help but feel saddened by the state of the patients in PGH, especially if they are kids. You will see different patients with different ailments: some have enlarged heads, some had bandages on their tiny arms, some were inside these tiny incubator boxes, some had tubes in their mouth, and some are even too young to be there (just some weeks or months old! Poor thing! (-_-). We arriv...

Originally written: September 8, 2013 Bismillah. Hambuuk adlaw awn kami pagtawagun preceptorials ha PGH (Philippine General Hospital). Didtu kami ha Pediatrics Ward, manga bata’-bata násakit in dáhun namu’ magbissara iban chek-upun. Awn da i sab kami preceptor atawa mastal duktur da isab maghindu’ kamu sin unu in hinangun. Pagsuwd na mán pa ward, kasusahan na tuud in dumagpak pa mata mu. Kakitaan mu in taud sin bata’-bata’ násakit: yaun na in nanghuhubag in uw, kiyapapalian, sampay agun ampa pila bulan in ummul sa siyasangunan na oxygen iban IV fluid (dextrose laung sin Tausug). Kiyarihilan man kami pasyente, nagtagna’ na in mastal maghindu’ kámu’. Awn na kaybanan ha mga iban ku in dimá nagbissara iban ina’ sin bata’-bata’, in kaybanan isab dimá naa nagpanayam iban bata’-bata’ bat lumuwt kanila. Sa’ in aku dugaing in kiyajagahan ku. Ha katan sin manga bata’-bata’ násakit ha ward yadtu, hambuuk kanila in kiya-idlapan ku. Hambuuk bata’-bata’ usug mag-ummulan hatiku mang...

Bismillah. Mataud na isab in jimajatu biháun subay dihilan natu’ waktu hátihun. Ha hula’ masi-masi in habal sin pagsaggaw-tau atawa kan pagkidnap. Ha pila adlaw puas sin bulan Ramadhan nagsunud-sunud isab in pagbustak madtu-mari. Timampal da isab in habal sin pagtakaw siyn sin manga tau ha parinta Pilipinas (bunnal way kita lamud kanila, sa’ lapay ra kita sin kakahinang ini). Magsusung da isab in adlaw sin pagbilma’rup sin parinta pilipinas iban sin tumpukan MILF. Ha habal ba’gu yan nagpamahalayak na sin kalimayahan in Maas Nur Misuari iban MNLF ha hula’. Ha hula’ malayu’ isab biya’ sin Egypt dimatung na in waktu pag-atubang sin tau raayat iban sin sundalu sin parinta nila… Di’ aku makarihil pamikilan (opinion) ha tiyap-tiyap habal nasabbut, mataud pa aku masi di’ kahátihan. Sa ha katán sin nasabbut yadtu, hambuuk da in matampal káku’: napulak-kanat in raayat Muslimiyn biháun. Bunnal awn manga habal marayaw magdatung, sa’ kamatauran labi makasusa. Ha biháun kiykita’ k...

Bismillah Nagbaha' ha Taft Iyabutan na isab kami sin ulan matigda’ diy ha hula’ Manila. Ulan matigda’ agaran sin hangin makusug. Di’ isab mabilang unus in kaybanan, sa sibu’ da in guwa’ niya: Maglakab-baha’ na isab ha kaybanan lugal; masuspend na isab in klas sin kaiskul-iskulan (magkalapay ra sambil kami ha medschool; ampa bukun langug bang masuspend in class pasal kami bata; iskul da in magmula). Di’ magkaubus in hangaka tahun sin wayruun lumabay ulan dakula’ pa hula’ ini. Gaid sin bunnal in bayta’ sin kamáasan sin awn tuud mulka’ ha hula’ ini. Di’ kapaglangugan in hula’ ini bang dumatung in bagyu agaran pa ulan matigda’ iban paglakab-baha’ ha karán-dánan. Magtrapik na isab. In manga tau sa da lumubung pa baha’ yaun nag-aanud ha supaya maka-untas hadja sin dán. Di’ ra maunu bang malanu’ in tubig yaun nag-aanud, sa’ ná kayngatan tan a, yaun na katan in kalummi’-lummian naglamud-lamud. Sa’ unu isab in mahinang ta? Duwal bang kaw mabaya’ matuwg ha sawm sisilung...